


Happily Never After

by cameraphone



Category: The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28754328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cameraphone/pseuds/cameraphone
Summary: Every time she sees her best friend, her heart races.Her breath catches.Her throat swells.She doesn't know what is happening to her.She only knows she's falling.
Relationships: Anadil/Hester (The School for Good and Evil), Clarissa Dovey/Leonora Lesso, Hort/Nicola (The School for Good and Evil)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 13





	1. Hester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is v e r y unedited- i read through some chapters as i copied them into here, but yeah,,,,,,,i aint got skills and this is quite old, so. anyway, thanks for reading! <3

My back aches like hell from sleeping on the cold, hard, stone floor. My eyes open slowly, expecting to have to adjust to light, but finding only darkness.

 _Ugh_ , I think. _I hate this place._

"Hester?" A familiar voice whispers my name, startling me.

"Ani?" I'm surprised to find someone else awake. It chills me a little, knowing that she was watching me as I slept. "I thought you'd be asleep."

"I haven't slept a wink since we were thrown in this wretched place."

I stare at her. "But—"

"I'm a good actor." Anadil stands up and picks her way through the sleeping bodies over to me. We've been sleeping on opposite sides of the cell.

"Why haven't you slept?" I ask. If there's one thing I know about Ani, it's that she's a good sleeper.

"It's just not comfortable here. I mean, seriously, don't tell me it's easy for you!"

"Maybe not for me, but you could sleep anywhere!" If Ani hasn't been sleeping, it's because something's bothering her.

"What are you saying?" She's getting suspicious. I know that if Anadil doesn't want to say, I'm not going to hear, but it's worth a try.

"Really, Ani. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing," she says, but I can tell, not from her eyes, not because she has a tell, but because I just know - Ani is lying.

"No, it's not nothing. I know you only stay awake at night if something is keeping you up."

"If I admit something's bothering me, will you shut up?" she says. I know she doesn't really mean this, not in a bad way, but still, it hurts. I don't know why, but for whatever reason, the fact that Ani, my best friend, doesn't think she can tell me what's on her mind hits me where it really hurts.

"Alright, I will, but you know you can tell me anything, right?" I know Ani won't like me trying to convince her to tell me, but I feel I have to try. "Hell, you could tell me you accidentally killed my demon and I wouldn't be mad!"

"Yes, you would," Anadil chuckles, and all of a sudden, we are both laughing, and then Ani's hand is on my mouth and mine is on hers, and we are holding in our laughter and my face is tingling and my stomach is exploding and my heart is pounding and I don't know why. Why I am freaking out all of a sudden, why, when Ani removes her hand from my mouth, the spot she touched is warm like fire and red like embers. Why I am freaking out - in a good way.

We talk for a while, about Sophie's predicament and Agatha's situation and how the hell we plan to get out of this freaking dungeon. About how we are going to defeat Rhian the 'Lion' if and when we do get out. We don't talk about whatever is keeping Anadil up at night, and it still hurts, but I know it would be a bad idea to bring it up again.

After a long time, Ani stops talking so much and I realize how tired she is, how tired I am. I quiet down and Ani quiets down and we are silent, not an uncomfortable silence, not an awkward one, nothing like that. All I can hear is the even breathing of everyone around us, and soon, Ani's breathing slows down, almost matching it. She isn't asleep yet, but she is relaxed.

Suddenly all I want is to pull her close and sleep on her shoulder and for her to sleep on mine and for us to hold each other all night. I don't understand what it is, but it is strong, and desperate, and immediate.

Suddenly I know I need to do something. And I know what I need to do. I don't know why I need to do it, why I feel so desperate, but I need to do it - I want to do it.

I gently draw Ani's head toward me, trying not to rouse her. Her breath seems to catch for a second, but then she keeps breathing slowly and smoothly. I set her head on my shoulder, and it feels good, and right. My hand starts to stroke Ani's hair, softly drawing itself against her temple, her ear, her cheek, her chin. I have never noticed before, probably because I have never done this before, how smooth and soft Anadil's face is. From afar, or however close I have seen Ani's face before now, her skin looks ragged and covered in little pimples - like mine - but it is not.

I keep smoothing her hair until I hear her breathing slow even more. Until mine starts to slow, until I am asleep with my hand entangled in her hair.


	2. Anadil

When my eyes open, it's still dark in our cell. My head is on Hester's shoulder and her hand is delicately tangled in my hair.

And then I see Dovey staring at me.

"Oh my god, no, no, _no!_ You weren't supposed to see this!" I sit bolt-straight, Hester's hand ruffling my hair. " Oh my god...this - this isn't what it looks like."

I put my hands on my head. "No, no, no..." I whisper.

But Dovey doesn't laugh, or glare, or anything. She says, "It's okay. You don't have to hide from me." Her voice is soft and soothing. She gives a light cough and continues. "I know how you feel about her. I know how hard it is."

 _No, you don't_ , I think, but then I realize she does.

Lady Lesso.

"I'm - I'm sorry, I must seem like..." I stop, the words I was going to say still halfway out of my mouth, but too big to make it all the way. Her love died, freaking _died_ , and still she carries on. Hester is literally sitting right beside me, her hand in my hair, and I am acting like I have nothing. "I'm sorry."

Dovey just smiles, and closes her eyes. Again she coughs, this time less delicate and more like she is too weak to cough hard. Right away her breathing evens out again and she seems to be asleep, but I wonder if she is just pretending to soothe my mind.

I turn and look at Hester. She is still sound asleep, her face relaxed and young and beautiful. Right now, Hester is vulnerable and unknowing and _mine_ , so completely mine I could kiss her half to death and she'd never even know unless I told her.

Half of me wants to, is desperate to reach out and hold her until infinity rolls back onto itself. Half of me wants to do it and never think of Hester as anything but my best friend again.

But I know this isn't right. She wouldn't be there, she wouldn't _truly_ be mine, and it would never feel real.

I will just have to wait.


	3. Hester

My eyes open once more, this time flooding with dim light, streaming in from the one barred window in our cell. At first I think the cell is silent, that everyone is still sleeping, but as I wake up more and more I realize I hear voices, small ones, talking softly.

I realize that Ani's head is no longer on my shoulder, my hand no longer in her hair. She isn't even beside me.

At first I'm disappointed, scared even, that I did the wrong thing and Ani is mad. Then I look up and realize she is sitting with everyone else across the cell, apparently discussing ways to get out of here, like just about every single moment of every single day we've been here so far, which is seven. We've been here a week, today being the start of our second.

Realizing this leads me to the depressing conclusion that we never will get out of here. None of us has ever mentioned this before, but now I know that we have all thought it at least once.

"Hey, bedbug! You're awake!" Ani's delicate voice pulls me out of my thoughts, not joltingly but softly, gently, like a dandelion seed floating on the wind.

I start to smile, glad to know she is there and not upset with me, but I realize that Ani was teasing me.

Now I do smile, but not the way I was going to. I smile back the same way she is smiling at me now: teasingly. I know immediately that Ani is not mad at me, that what happened last night was a good thing, but it is between us.

"Any new ideas?" Hort asks.

"Nothing."

"Come on. Think harder," he says. Bad idea.

"I said _nothing_!" I feel the demon tattoo on my neck flare up and push its way just a little bit off my skin. A threat, but nothing more. A warning: _Today's not a good day to go pushing my buttons._

I go sit down beside Ani and Dovey in the small circle everyone has formed inside our cell. Everyone except for those two flinches a little when I open my mouth to speak, but I roll my eyes and continue. "Anyone else?"

Silence for a moment. And then Dovey speaks up.

"I might have an idea," she says delicately.

She tells us her plan, and we are all amazed. Amazed at her, for thinking it up, but also amazed at the fact that none of us has thought of it before. We were all too focused on making a plan so complicated and elaborate that no one could guess we'd be gone.

But as well as being amazed, we are all in simple, utter shock.

" _No_!" Ani says, always the first to recover her senses. "We can't do that, it's not...not..."

"Anadil, don't be foolish. You know it's the only way."

" _No_ ," Ani insists. "We won't." She looks around at everyone else. Most of them are silent, wanting to agree but not able to sacrifice their own freedom. "We won't do it."

"No, we won't," I agree, even startling myself a little. "We can't let you."

Dovey and Anadil turn to look at me, both in surprise. I think I also see a bit of relief in Ani's face. And... _love_? No. She's just relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ew so cheezy pls kmn


	4. Anadil

How could Dovey even suggest this?

How could she expect us to be able to do it?

To be able to let _her_?

_No._

No, we won't go through with her plan. We can't, even if it is the only plan we've had with even a chance of succeeding.

"Dovey, no. We won't let you do that."

"I told you, Anadil. It's the only way."

" _No_!" I almost start to cry in front of everyone. "We _can't_!" I feel the tears coming to my eyes, threatening to emerge and embarrass me in front of all the people I've grown to know and even respect a little over such a long time together. "We'll find another way!"

Suddenly I feel gentle arms wrap around my chest from behind - a hug. I blink the tears from my eyes, not really caring that it will look like I'm crying anymore. With my eyes now clear, I can see that it's Hester hugging me.

"Ani. Ani, it's okay. You're right, we'll find another way to escape."

But then and there, I realize that Dovey's right. Even if there is another way, it will take us too long to find it.

This time I do cry.


	5. Hester

We wait until the guard comes with our breakfast. Just like always, it is a measly plate of scraps from Rhian's feast last night.

Only today we won't be having any.

The guard takes a step into our cell to put the plate on the stone floor. As he stands, Hort reaches out with a powerful swing and gives the guard a good _thwack_ on the head. Thankfully, the Lion forgot to have his soldiers wear armour today.

He falls to the ground.

We all cross our fingers and hold our breaths, hoping Rhian also forgot to send a second guard. Unfortunately, today is not one of the so-called King's bad days.

A second soldier strides confidently into our cell. Nicola immediately steps forward and, using the momentum to give her power, boots the guard in the groin.

This isn't enough to knock him unconscious, but he falls to his knees and I let my demon out just long enough to punch him on the bridge of the nose.

The guard collapses on the floor beside his partner.

"Nice!" Hort says, embracing Nicola. Over Hort's shoulder, Nicola mouths the same one word to me.

We all shush Hort aggressively, knowing it won't take much to rouse the guards.

" _Okay_ ," he says, annoyed but quieter.

We all slink out of our cell and over to Tedros's. Dovey pulls out one of the many hairpins holding up her elegant bun, and sticks it in the keyhole in the cell door.

For a second we all hold our breaths when it seems as if the lock won't open, but then I hear a soft _click_ and Dovey is able to push open the heavy metal door.

"Thanks," whispers Tedros.

" _Thanks_?" Anadil snorts. "Thanks. That's all you've got, even after we just saved your life and quite potentially your kingship _and_ your kingdom? I always knew princes were pigheaded." She laughs again and I laugh with her, until Hort interrupts us.

"Alright, you two lovebirds. That's enough. Didn't I just hear you shushing me?"

 _Lovebirds_.

What the hell does Hort mean? Lovebirds? Since when are Ani and I in love?

But then my heart flutters.

 _It's just the nerves_ , I tell myself.

We all gather around the entrance to the hall that goes through the rest of the dungeon, which will lead to the stairs leading up to the main part of the castle.

"Well," I say. "Let's do this."

And then, something happens that I never, _ever_ would have expected. _Anadil_ does something I never, ever would have expected.

She takes hold of my hand.


	6. Anadil

What can I say?

I've known how I feel for a long time, and this might've been my last chance to tell Hester.

I needed her to know that she isn't just a friend to me. I needed her to know how important she is to me.

She is the reason I want to leave this place. I want to tell her how I feel, how much I love her. I want to go to her mother's gingerbread house, and make it ours, build a life together as we rebuild her mother's old one.

I want a Never After.

And I want it with her.

Of course, I know that will never happen. I picked the wrong girl to love. I'm Hester's friend, nothing more.

I didn't even _bother_ to fall for someone who could catch me. I used to think one day Hester would see me falling and sweep me back onto my feet. Now I know that won't happen, it can't.

All I can hope for is that when I've hit the ground after falling a million miles and shattered into a million pieces, Hester will be able to pick me back up, fit me back together into a puzzle of mismatched pieces and gaping holes.


	7. Hester

At first, all I do is gasp.

I can’t react, I can’t move, I can’t do anything else but gasp.

And then my heart starts to thud in my chest, even louder than it was before.

 _Lovebirds_. Hort’s mocking voice rings in my ears, and I start to wonder.

My throat starts to swell and soon it is hard to breathe.

She is holding my hand. Why is _she_ so important? 

My stomach explodes in an array of flying, flapping insects, violently trying to escape my insides.

Why is it that if anyone else were holding my hand, I would shove them off annoyedly? Why is it that I’m not doing this with Ani, right now?

Why is it that, so instinctively, I know the answers to all of these questions?

Because right now, as Ani holds my hand, as I squeeze back with what seems like all of my power - all of my want, my _need_ \- there is more than that traveling between us at our touch that is so delicate, so strong, so desperate. 

There is crackling, fiery-hot energy, pure as Good and greedy as Evil, soft as kindness and rigid as cruelty, intangible as a ghost and yet so, so real.

Warmth, _heat_ travels through my skin, into my blood, up my arm, across my shoulders, over my chest, into my heart. It ignites a fire spreading all through my body, and I don’t know what is happening, I don’t know why, I don’t know anything except that I’m falling.

And then Ani lets go.

All of a sudden I am lurched back into now, wondering, feeling, wanting, and hoping I didn’t make a scene in front of everyone standing around me, because how humiliating would _that_ be.

There is nothing for me to do now except breathe, steel myself for whatever is about to happen, and wonder about what just did.

I look to my side a little at Anadil. She is staring right at me, and all of a sudden I feel watched, judged, and way, way too noticed.

And then I realize who it is that’s staring at me and I am okay with her noticing me, I want her to notice me, because I am noticing her, noticing her in a way I never have before. 

So when I look at Ani and find her looking right back at me, all I do, all there is to do, is smile. It’s a smile that conveys everything I just felt, everything that just ran through me, everything that I want to do right now - everything I wish I could be doing.

And then Nicola pulls open the door that will take us out of the dungeons, up the stairs to the castle, and eventually, to freedom.

“After you,” she says to Hort.

~~~~

We sneak out the door, and my head is not in it.

We slink down the halls, and my head is not in it.

We creep up the stairs, and my head is not in it.

At least, not until I see what is waiting for us at the top.

A king’s army. Literally. Probably fifty soldiers have been placed at the top of the giant staircase, waiting for us to emerge.

If we want to escape, we will have to fight this army, and we will have to win, or defeat enough of them to leave the rest behind.

All of a sudden, Ani is the last thing on my mind. Or maybe just the third.

First: Fighting and defeating this army that Rhian has decided to put us up against.

Second: Not dying. That might be important.

Third: Ani, as well as her not dying either.

I imagine losing Ani to some soldier of the ‘King’s’. How I would hate that, hate Rhian, hate whichever hellbent soldier took her away from me.

I would rather die than let her. So maybe my priorities have shifted. Perhaps now, second on my list is the survival of both Ani _and_ me. Third, I decide, will be freedom, which before, would have, I guess, been fourth.

How strange. Why is it that freedom, escaping from this horrid castle, does not come before Ani, before her and me, before _us_?

I realize that even asking myself this question has wasted precious moments in what might be my last battle.

I surge forward - upward - using my fingerglow as a sword, and stabbing at least three soldiers in the gut. I use it as a bow and arrows, shooting five, though two are not lethal. I use the bright red light as a spear, throwing it and pulling it back magically from the insides of three more armed fighters. I use it as a shield, protecting myself from the enemy’s swords, arrows and spears.

Dodging at least three stabs and four arrows, I finally make it to a place on the giant staircase where I can look around and get my bearings safely. 

And then I see it.

Or _her_ , rather. 

She is lying on her back on the stairs, a soldier rushing away, off to help two of his comrades who are battling Hort and Nicola, who, I notice dully, has picked up a sword and shield from an already fallen soldier, to make up for her locked fingerglow.

Anadil.

With a gaping, gushing hole in her shoulder.


	8. Anadil

When Hester caught me looking at her, I thought what I saw in her face was fear, anger. 

But I was wrong.

It was relief.

I don’t know what Hester thought when I put my hand around hers. I don’t know whether she assumed it was me saying ‘Good luck, don’t die,’ or whether she understood what I was feeling, whether she felt it too.

All I can do is hope.

And so we creep out of the dungeon and into the hall, down the halls until we reach the stairs, and when we finally start to climb up the stairs, I realize there is a battle waiting for us at the top.

This will not be an easy fight. We are armed with only our fingerglows, and Nicola hasn’t even unlocked hers yet. Our enemies quite literally have the higher ground, as well as years of combat training on their backs.

I surge up the stairs and into battle, hearing the pounding footsteps of my friends behind me, and the clanging armour of enemies in front.


	9. Hester

I rush to Anadil, lying stabbed and bleeding on the stairs to my left.

I kneel down a stair below her, panting, and try to regain control of my own mind.

I tear off a corner of Anadil’s shirt and press it firmly against the wound.

I rip a circle of my own shirt from around my stomach, and tie it around Ani’s armpit, over the wound and the piece of her shirt.

I tie it as tight as I can, to stop the blood. 

I know now is not the time, but I can't help but worry that there won't be another time. 

“What happened between us, earlier?”

“Hester, I think - I hope...I hope you know what...happened.”

Her eyes close, and stay closed. 

_No_ , I think. _No! No, no, no, no!_

“Ani?” Tears rush out of my eyes without my meaning them to. “Ani? No, no, no…” All of a sudden I am sobbing and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Then her eyes open. 

“Wait...did you actually...did you think I was…” Ani stops. At first I think she stopped to take a breath, but then I realize she isn't going to continue. 

“Yeah,” I say, my voice already shaky. We laugh weakly for a second and then we are quiet and then Ani says, “Hester...Hester, you know...you know I love..you, right?”

I laugh. Not at Ani, not because she told me she loves me - no, that makes my heart beat fast and my stomach explode and my throat swell all over again - I laugh because she had to stop for a breath in the middle of telling me.

Ani doesn’t even look worried, scared that I’m laughing at her. She knows right away why I’m laughing, and though I can see it hurts her, joins in.

I can’t say anything, though. I can’t answer her. She just told me she loves me, and I can’t tell her anything in return.

But not because I don’t want to.

“Get out there,” Ani says all of a sudden. “Go fight. They need you.”

“But, Ani, you’re - you’re dying! I can’t leave you! I can't let you die.”

“I _could_ die, Hester.” With every word, Ani seems to grow stronger and stronger. “I could die, but...knowing you're out there....fighting for...for your life, fighting to keep...everyone you love alive...that’s - that’s going to keep _me_ alive.” 

I know Anadil is right, I know I need to stand up and help these people fight, but looking over at Tedros, stupidly fighting three soldiers on his own, I realize I could end up that way too. I know going to fight would mean leaving Anadil alone, letting her sit her by herself, neither of us knowing whether the other will survive.

Then I realize I have to. Because if I don’t get up and fight right this instant, Anadil and I will never have a chance to explore a future together - we will be stuck here instead.

And so I turn back towards the beautiful, injured, bleeding girl lying on the stairs beside me. I look into her bright red eyes from which the fire has never faded, not even now. I turn to her and look her in the eyes and say, “I love you, too.”

I reach over to the dead body of a soldier lying near us, one _I_ killed, and pick up his sword. I stand up, squeezing Anadil’s hand gently, and step into the battle of a lifetime.


	10. Anadil

When I stepped into this battle, I assumed that either we’d all make it out alive, or none of us would.

How wrong I was.

I rush up the stairs, stabbing a soldier in the gut, shooting two in the head and stomach, and stabbing another in his thigh. I don’t remember exactly how many soldiers I took down, because soon after entering the battle, I had to leave, watch from the sidelines.

Before I can take up a mental tally of the number of soldiers I’ve dismantled, there’s another behind me. Normally a soldier like this would murder me on the spot, but luckily for me, this one seems to have some dignity. Rather than being stabbed from behind, I feel a sharp blade - the point of a sword - press into my back. Knowing what will happen if I whip around, I turn around slowly, carefully, and immediately thrust out with my fingerglow-sword, trying to get rid of the soldier quickly. Unfortunately, this warrior is apparently much more experienced than any of his comrades, or else I’m simply growing tired. 

Whatever the reason, I’m losing this fight, and losing will mean almost certain death. I start to put more of myself into my swings. I push harder, dodge quicker - but it’s no use. 

All of a sudden, my shoulder is burning and I can no longer stand up. Without me realizing it, my hand has gone up to the place where there is now a sword. 

And then the soldier pulls the sword out.

Right away I fall to my knees, but luckily I am able to support myself long enough to lay down slowly, rather than fall and hit my head.

I close my eyes, knowing the end is drawing near. I am thankful to die for a cause like this one, but that doesn’t make me any less terrified for whatever is going to happen to me. Is there an afterlife? Will I feel anything, apart from the burning pain already coursing through me?

Expecting to know the answers to all my questions right away, I don’t hear Hester running up to me, don’t know she is there, until all of a sudden my shirt is being ripped and my shoulder is being bandaged and Hester is asking about us, about what happened between us, what it meant.

And all of a sudden, I feel the fierce desire to live, to love life the same way I love Hester.

I don't want to die.

And so I force my eyes open as Hester ties a tourniquet - minus the stick - around my shoulder.

 _Where did she learn to do that?_ I wonder pointlessly, really not knowing anything - until I realize what Hester said.

“Hester, I think - I hope…” I have to stop to take a breath, because, I guess because of the blood loss, I am suddenly exhausted. “I hope know what...happened.”

I close my eyes, praying that Hester will take this the right way.

The conversation that played out after that is gone to me. I blanked out and let my heart talk, not paying any attention to what it said. The last thing I remember is telling Hester to go fight. And so she stood up, taking a sword from a fallen soldier.

As I watch her go, I take a deep, shaking breath, praying for both our lives.


	11. Hester

First I go to Tedros, who’s fighting three soldiers by himself, like the conceited idiot he is. _Pighead_. Ani’s words echo in my mind and I chuckle despite myself. 

Sneaking up from behind, I manage to kill one right away. 

“Did you have to do that? I’ve got this!”

“No, you didn’t.” I thrust my sword forward to block that of one of the soldiers, backing up until my back presses against Tedros’s. He doesn't pull away.

Tedros kills his soldier first, then leaves my back to help fight the third. After only a few minutes I manage to stab him in the gut at the same time Tedros does. Tedros laughs.

Despite myself, I do too. I mean, I’m Evil, so I’m supposed to kill. But that isn't what brings me pleasure right now. It’s that Tedros and I, despite being total opposites - Good and Evil, supercilious and standoffish, over-friendly and antisocial - we have the same fighting strategies, the same defenses and offences. 

This makes me wonder - if the two schools train their students to fight the same way, how is it that they’re training us to fight each other?

Looking around, I see Hort and Nicola, now fighting three soldiers. One of them is the brute that put a hole in my best friend’s shoulder.

 _Friend_. What a strange word. Somehow it no longer seems right to describe what Ani is to me. 

There is no time, though, to find the perfect-fitting word. What matters now is now. This battle. This mission, to save Camelot and perhaps the entire Endless Woods from Rhian and his master schemes, whatever they may be. This quest, to escape the holding cell of our own ally’s former castle. What matters now is _now_.

So I don’t stop to prepare myself. I don’t take a deep breath, grip my sword with a stronger hold, put myself into power pose. I don’t waste a single second.

I just _fight_.

I don’t care about the fates of any of the soldiers standing on this staircase, except for one. I don’t know anything except that whatever happens to me, I’m going to get my revenge on the soldier that stabbed Anadil. 

Right now he is facing away from me, which will give me an advantage, but I know that if this soldier managed to beat Ani single-handed, it will not be as simple as that - even as I think, he has moved about several times, swiping and dodging and swiping and dodging. I study his movements for a moment, and soon I find a pattern. 

This soldier never swings forward without dodging back almost instantly. Though he may be a strong defender, this man is no warrior. He is a coward. 

I wait only a few seconds longer before I see the soldier lunge forward at Hort in a threatening way, but not a dangerous one - to him or Hort - only to whip back almost immediately, just barely striking Hort’s upper leg but not injuring him at all. As soon as the soldier leaps back, I leap forward, stabbing his thigh with every ounce of power I have, every ounce of anger boiling up my insides like a fever, every ounce of fear for Ani’s life that may be in danger, and every ounce of love I have for the one she is holding on to, the one where she and I are together. 

The soldier cries out in agony, but he is not finished yet, just as I expected. He whips around, leaving the other two soldiers to fight Hort and Nicola alone, and swings at me viciously. I hop backwards quickly, and then lash out again. He does the same and our swords meet at halfway. Our swings are matched perfectly to the other’s long enough for him to think he’s winning and for me to come up with a plan. 

Once I know he is convinced we will not break our matching streak, I switch my pattern from one that is easily predictable to a much more random, jerky collection of movements. The soldier is clearly not expecting this and it only takes me three swings to stab him in the gut.

I hold the body, already going limp, with just my sword, hanging him in the air. I sigh. It feels so good, so genuinely good to have paid for Ani’s pain with this man’s life. And I know that his life is not gone just yet, so I lean right up to him, sneering, and hiss, “That one’s for Ani.”

I drop the man onto the floor and pull my sword out of his stomach. It is red with blood, the blood of the man who tried to kill my Anadil.

I see that Hort and Nicola have left both of the soldiers they’d been fighting on the ground and writhing in pain, off to fight two more. Scanning the room, I see Ani on her side, eyes closed in pain. There’s Tedros, fighting two more soldiers with Dot trying and only partially failing to help. And then there’s Dovey, fighting a final two soldiers by herself, with only a weak fingerglow for a weapon. I rush to take on one of them for her. 

He is clearly well-trained and fighting hard. This is the hardest fight I’ve had all the time we’ve been here on this staircase - how long could it be? The cell with the meager plate of leftovers and Ani’s head heavy on my shoulder feels ages ago. 

I wonder why none of the other soldiers I’ve fought have been nearly this difficult to beat. Most of them were dead within a few minutes, which I admit to myself can’t just be because I’m a good fighter. But why? 

It doesn’t matter. I must focus on _this_ fight, _this_ soldier. This swing, this lunge, this dodge. All that matters now is _now_. 

So I lunge forward, I dodge backward, I swing hard, I stab harder, and slowly I can feel the soldier weakening under my persistent pressure. 

Suddenly there is a burning pain in my thigh but I keep fighting, because I cannot lose this fight, I _cannot_ , and anyway I can’t tell what the pain is from because I see nothing there, no sword, no arrow, not even blood. 

“Hester!” As if I’m in a dream, and someone is calling from the waking world for me to wake up, I hear my name being repeated over and over. “Hester! Hester!”

Why would they call my name while I’m fighting? Do they _want_ me to die? I ignore their calls and keep fighting, fighting, fighting. I fight until the soldier is on the ground, no longer putting up a fight.

“Hester!” I hear my name one more time. I can tell now that it’s Nicola, and though she sounds a little annoyed, I sense something else behind the words. _Fear_? 

“What?!” I whip around to yell at her for distracting me and realize everyone is gathered together, and no one is fighting. I have just ended the battle.

Then I see that everyone is crowded around a body lying limp on the stairs. Is it Ani? My heart starts to pound, but then I realize Ani is somewhere else in the other direction. The person on the floor is Dovey. 

“Oh my god,” I say, barely able to say it at all. I rush over and realize I’m limping from the throbbing pain still burning fire in my thigh. I look down and realize I am bleeding, that I must have been sliced through without my realizing. 

“It’s going to be okay,” I tell Dovey instinctively, but even before she shakes her head weakly I know it’s not true. She’s been stabbed in the gut, just like the soldier I killed only minutes ago. 

“Get Anadil,” Dovey whispers. 

And so I hurry over to Ani and attempt to lift her. I nearly fall right over, and Ani winces in pain. Tedros comes to help, and I tell him, “I can do it.”

“No, you can’t,” he says, and I know he’s right, so I let him help me - or moreover, I help him - bring Ani over to Dovey.

“Ani, I’m - I’m sorry,” I manage to say as I set her down. Then I collapse on the floor in exhaustion, deep sadness, and pain.


	12. Anadil

I should’ve known.

All those times I told her she was growing weak. The times I told her not to use the crystal ball. 

I should’ve known.

Her cough, growing worse as the time stretched out while we were in that cell. The rasping, convulsive cough, torturing her all day and all night.

I should’ve known.

The tiredness, the weakness, the fragility. The papery skin, the bloodshot eyes. The pale fingerglow.

I should’ve known.

It’s too late now, of course. Too late for anything but apologies and regret.

I should’ve known.

 _We_ should’ve known. As much as I want to blame this all on myself, put all the weight on my shoulders, this is because of all of us. There wouldn’t have been much - if anything - we could do to stop her from fighting, but we could’ve tried.

We could have tried.

And I know it will haunt me forever. That we couldn’t see it, we were too focused on our escape to see that she might not be able to. We were too busy plotting to see her heart slowly stop. 

We should’ve known.

And yet, I can’t help asking myself, _I_ was the one who saw her through the crystal ball and knew she was weakening. _I_ was the one who told her to stop using it but didn’t want it enough to make it happen. _I_ was the one who should’ve known.

And now it’s too late.

It was her idea. Our escape. It was her idea that killed her.

I should’ve known.


	13. Hester

Somehow though it feels as if I will pass out from tiredness and blood loss any second I manage to keep myself awake and upright, watching numb as Ani realizes her idol is lying half-dead on the floor in front her.

“No,” she murmurs, and then she collapses. All of a sudden Ani is leaning on my shoulder and I am supporting her as well as myself, but it is easier than just holding up my own limp body.

“No,” she is saying, over and over, and now she is crying and her hand moves to Dovey’s face. “No!”

“It’s going to be okay. You will win,” Dovey says as loud as she can, barely even audible. Then, to Anadil, “Hush, child. Come close.”

Ani leans in to Dovey, still crying, and Dovey whispers something into Ani’s ear. They chuckle sadly and I find myself wanting desperately to know what Dovey has said that, even in her final moments, is enough to make her, as well as Ani, laugh.

Looking directly into Anadil’s teary eyes, Dovey says, “You’ve got this. I know you can win this. Love _will_ win.” And then I find _myself_ staring into Dovey’s eyes as she adds, “But you must help. Take care of my girl.”

I wonder if there is a meaning behind Dovey’s words other than the obvious message. I can see that everyone else thinks she is wishing us luck in our escape, but...what if that’s not all there is? 

Dovey looks each and every one of us in the eye, holding on to every last bit of strength she can. I realize that Ani is not the only one crying - my cheeks are wet with tears and I see that everyone else’s eyes - even Nicola’s, who’s never liked Dovey - are glistening too.

“Goodbye, and good luck,” Dovey says. 

And that is the last of her strength gone; gone like the wind, gone like the sun below the horizon that is burning with clouds the colour of blood, gone like the flame burning to the bottom of a candle, blown out by the absolute darkness of death.

Gone is Clarissa Dovey.


	14. Anadil

No. _No_!

We had known she would die. We had known, but that did not change the way we knew we would feel. And it wasn’t supposed to be this way! It was supposed to be a sacrifice, a noble death we could all reconcile with. Not in a battle we had not planned, fought with fading fingerglows and stolen swords…

I fall into tears on Hester’s shoulder at the same time as I realize I’ve fallen into tears on Hester’s shoulder. Everyone can see me now, relying solely on Hester to keep me upright, trusting in her to do so. Everyone can see me now, in tears over the leader of the people who are supposed to be my enemies. 

But I don’t care.

I don’t care because, in this very moment I have no capacity for caring, no capacity for trying to spare my dignity the way I have every other day of my life, my life that I still have no matter how little of it I deserve, my life that I still have even though Dovey does not have hers and she deserves it so much more than I.

Dovey, or what is left of her, motions for me to lean in. I barely hear what she is telling me and I barely register that it has made me laugh, but I know I will never forget these three words that she has used her last moments to share with me.

With her very last breath, Dovey looks up and says to everyone but also just to me, “You’ve got this. I know you can win this. Love _will_ win.” And then she looks at Hester alone and says, “But you must help. Take care of my girl.”

“Goodbye, and good luck.”

Never again will I hear that delicate voice speak. Never again will I see that frail, thin face spread into a smile. Never again will I feel her soft, wrinkled hands on mine, telling me things I only dream to be true. 

Somehow even the hacking cough that kept us all awake at night seems welcome. What I wouldn’t give to hear Dovey cough just one more time. 

I realize Hester is whispering into my ear.

“I love you.” And though these three words are ones I have dreamt of hearing from Hester’s lips many times, they do not have nearly the effect on me that I have expected.

“We have to go,” I say. I look up to see that everyone is crying, and they all look up at me in shock.

“We have to go,” I repeat. Because Dovey has just died, she has just given her life for us to keep ours, so that we can get up and keep moving towards our goal. “It’s what she’d want us to do. We have to win this for her.”

I stand up, wobbly and a bit dizzy because of my shoulder wound but somehow feeling stronger than ever, and Hester beside me stands up too. “For her,” she says. “For her.”

Slowly the others stand up around Dovey’s limp body and they begin to repeat what Hester, my dear Hester, is saying in her strong, clear voice muffled by hidden tears and blanketed sobs. 

“For her. For her. For her.”

And as we stand there I realize something, something that makes no sense at first. Though we were all at least mildly injured, and we did lose one from our ranks, there were only seven of us against at least ten times our number, and yet we won. We won with only one casualty on our side of the fight.

It was too easy.

And as we stand there I realize why.

Everyone bends down and reaches for their weapons, grabbing more of them off the bodies of fallen soldiers, but I stay where I am. 

We could not have possibly beaten seventy of Camelot’s best soldiers without any advantage at all. In fact, we had a major _disadvantage_ , and even still, we won.

 _They gave up their lives for us,_ I realize. _They chose to die so we could win this fight. They never wanted to fight for Rhian._

So many people in Camelot today will grieve for fallen husbands, brothers, fathers and sons, and all of the men they will cry for died on purpose so that the seven people they were supposed to kill would _win_.

 _I’m sorry_ , I say in my head to all of the soldiers who died, and to their wives - or husbands - brothers, sons and daughters. I light my fingerglow and raise it in the air in a salute. When the others do the same around me - except Nicola, obviously - I realize they think I am doing this in honour of Dovey. I open my mouth to tell them the truth, but then I think better of it. They will not understand. 

Hester offers me a sword, but I decline, saying my shoulder is too weak to hold anything, though that’s only half true. She makes me take a shield. _Just in case,_ she says. But even defending myself doesn’t seem right when all of the men lying dead or mortally wounded on the floor let themselves die for our cause. 

We only lost one.

Camelot lost dozens.


	15. Hester

As my beautiful Anadil goes limp with grief and exhaustion in my arms, I realize I have not told her enough how important she is to me. I pull her close and whisper into her ear:

“I love you,” I tell her. “I love you.”

And Ani seems to grow stronger with these words, and seeing her shoulders fall back into place seems to build me up so that I am stronger with her.

“We have to go,” Ani says clearly and pointedly. 

_What_? My eyes go up immediately to her face. Ani of all people I thought would want to stay the longest here. She has always idolized Dovey more than anyone, except maybe Lady Lesso. And those two were always a sort of package - if you looked at one, you saw the other.

“We have to go,” Anadil repeats. “It’s what she’d want us to do. We have to win this for her.”

Ani is standing up. I am standing up beside her, realizing how important it is that we leave now, not just to honour Dovey but because the longer we wait the more likely it becomes that Rhian or one of his men will find us here, broken and exhausted, and take us straight back to our cell, where we will face more punishment and chances are, Tedros will be executed sooner.

“For her,” I repeat. “For her.” Everyone joins me and we are chanting, chanting for Dovey, for her lost life and for our saved ones.

We all begin to pick up swords, but I pause. There is something stewing in the pit of my stomach that I have never felt before. 

Guilt.

But why? What do I have to feel guilty for? These soldiers were trying to kill us - all we did was defend ourselves. Besides, Evil is supposed to kill.

But that burning in my gut doesn’t go away. _It’s telling me something_ , I realize. 

These soldiers - almost _every single_ one of them - gave their lives so that we could keep ours, so that Ani and I can have one together, so that this group of seven - now six - people can go out and change the world for the better.

It hits me then.

How could we have _possibly_ defeated ten times our number, trained for years on end in combat, with only our fingerglows and weapons we did not even own? We _couldn’t_. Not unless...they let us win?

I realize - most of the soldiers weren’t totally committed to Rhian, they can’t have been. That’s why they were so easy to beat. 

Only a few _really_ gave their best, pushed their hardest, aimed for the center of the target. Almost all of the soldiers let themselves be killed, literally _gave up_ their own lives, because they didn't truly believe they were on the right side of the battlefield.

“Thank you,” I whisper, hoping no one sees. 

I pick up a sword for myself, then offer one to Ani, who is still standing there, staring at Dovey and at all the bodies injured and killed, lying on the staircase around us. 

“No,” she says, almost too forcefully. “I - my shoulder isn’t strong enough.”

My first instinct tells me that’s true, but then I look at Ani’s face and I know that while it may be, it is not the reason she declined the sword.

It could be because of Dovey’s death - maybe Ani doesn’t want to cause any more pain like that.

It could be because she simply doesn’t think she’s capable of killing when one of her closest friends has just been killed.

But I think it’s because she’s just realized the same thing I have - all of these dead soldiers had families and friends who will have to say goodbye to a limp, cold body tonight, while we actually spoke to our lost before she was gone. While we only had to say goodbye to one of our ranks, Camelot will have a mass funeral in a few days, because of us.

We are the lucky ones.


End file.
